No more

I always question my actions and find it hard with the smallest put downs. I feel sick and it is like I have missed a step going down. My heart races and I start reevaluating what I did wrong. It is out of proportion to the act or the put down. My ex only swore when he was in a rage and thankfully never used the c word, but I had slut and whore with his eyes full of hate. The constant checking up on everything I did. Accusing me of affairs, poisoning him, I couldn’t even allow our daughter to learn to swim as I was “shagging one of the dad’s”.
I freak out if my security been breached even a little bit which is why I am shocked I am doing this blog. I want to help, even though sometimes I feel myself dragged back in. Today was hard for me. To see members on a group being attacked by trolls was hard. I hate bulling at the best of times but why would people target victims of abuse I just don’t get. It is all sorted now but I know it has triggered me and I take a deep breath and will not let them beat me or others if I am there to stop it.
I am no longer that person that cowered in fear and I refuse to let others try now. I had it easy compared to some I know but the one thing I been taught is we all share similar scars. No matter what we been through we formed life time friendships and an understanding that no other person has the right to control, hit or rape us just because they are our partner. No parent has the right to put us down or to lay a finger on us in hate. We have overcome and we say no more.

• abuse
• anger
• best friend
• compassion
• controlling
• depressed
• diary
• domestic violence
• emotional abuse
• freedom
• friendship
• happiness
• honesty