I need to start living again rather than existing. I seem to just survive rather than doing anything to alter my life. I don’t know where to start. No friends left to have a social life or to meet other people. No clubs I can seem to find just to get out of the house. I am happier but I want more in my life or he’s won. Not suggesting a romantic relationship again just a life.
Change is a scary thing but you will get over an abusive partner and come out stronger given time. The scars will fade. Learn to love them as they are reminders of what you have endured in the relationship. Try not to rush into any
new relationships but learn to be on your own at first. That way you be less inclined to put up with a new abusive partner. Learn to listen to your gut. If it says someone is no good for you trust that.
We have all grown up wth that song that warns of abusive relationships but we still go down that route. For me it was Eurythmics. Most of their songs were written about abuse from the lead singer. http://youtu.be/iQpJqtfCmcM
The lead singer not only survived abuse but went on to be in one of the biggest band in the 80’s, political activist and philanthropist
We often think of victims of abuse as weak. This is a mistake as normally what a weaker person would do is walk away rather than choose to deal with the problems of the partner. Giving up on a marriage a lot quicker than we would as we are too strong and endure more in the name of love. We are strong and we will manage very well after we split from the abusive partner but it’s getting our minds in that forward thinking and not worrying about failing at our marriages rather than thinking they were the ones that threw our love away and chose to feel intimidated from our strength they felt the need to stamp it out of us. We need to learn to think that if they truly deserve our love to feed it rather than make us feel that no one would want us. We are special as we made of stronger stuff than most people. We endured more than most can imagine and survived.
I usually write on here when I feel like I need something out rather that allow it to take rot in my soul but today I wanted to say something positive for any one reading our blog. I have this feeling of peace most of the time now. Often smiling at nothing as I feel safe in my own home. Correction I feel now I’m home as I never felt at home in the place I lived in for twenty years. How could I call that shell a home as not one item I chose. I even had to ask to use my own computer in the end. My home is not the tidest but it’s often filled with laughter now. The only tense days is when the kids are going over their dad’s as they don’t want to go as they never know what mood he is going to be in. Sadly they old enough to choose and still want contact.
Anyway I’m happy without him. I don’t need anyone to make me happy or to love me as I love myself. I know I’m ready to move on as I will not bow down to a partner because if they don’t like me for me then they can get loss. I will no longer be who my partner wants me to be but who I am a survivor that can survive without validation from another person.