Childhood

Monday at around 4pm, I started dinner and realized I didn’t want to rush, so I texted my ex mother in law and asked if she would mind bringing my son home after he was done visiting with her for the weekend. Despite my ex-husband being in jail and only allowed supervised visits thanks to a couple counts of domestic violence against me and three DUIs in three years, I still encouraged our son time with his family. I saw the devastation that my parent’s divorce left in its wake. My mom took me to my sister’s daycare at twelve years old and we sat in the parking lot and she asked me in a too calm voice if she should file divorce to, “Give my dad a wake-up call.”

“No, mom- you shouldn’t because you’re adult and we don’t use the courts for childish games.”
Is what I should have said.

Refuge

http://www.refuge.org.uk/ Refuge

These were my lifeline when my ex found out I was seeking help. He chucked me out with our twelve year old daughter. I know my daughter being with me wasn’t his original plan but he contacted child services about me sexually assaulting her. Thankfully the refuge took me in quickly or I would have lost her. They were with me every step of the way and are still there supporting us a year later if we need it. Thank you Llamau.

I think we should be taught the early warning signs in school.

I think we should be taught in schools what the early signs are to warn us of an abusive partner. I still think that my ex-husband did not show any earlier signs but since I started this blog with the others some are coming back to me. It is very easy to forget the hurt and pain or lack of respect they had shown us but we put down to too much to drink or we made them angry. I will start from a previous ex-boyfriend before I move onto my husband of twenty years. Dell (yes that is his real name,) he never treated me that badly but we never moved on from casual even though I thought it was more serious at the time.

How Dare You?

To what or who do we owe the hurt, pain and sorrow? Who gave him the right to touch?

Was it worth it?  Nasty soul…

When you go to jail, will you run from those that abhor abuse? Those you see that are murderers, and theives; con-artists, and embezzlers? Now, why would you; after all, there’s a little bit of them in you…

Enjoy your stay.

mamajadasurvivor@gmail.com

Warning

Anger to me has always been on offensive emotion; sometimes I will ask questions and half heartedly listen to the answer because I know it will hurt me and cause me to be angry.
“How long after Matthew and I got married did he start talking shit about me?”
I said it as bluntly as I could and I was finally ready to hear the answer after two years of being with Alex.

“Two months.” He said casually from behind the shower curtain. Typically my intimacy issues prevented me from talking with someone while they were in the bathroom, but it was something I needed to hear.

“He said he wanted to have an affair.” Alex continued, matter-of-factly.

Superwoman…that Independence.

My Best Friend

Pictures of what he had done to her that night still flash in front of my eyes like a bad movie that landed good reviews in some strange way. Jason had beat the hell out of Whitney and she was desperate for someone to tell her it wasn’t okay. I will beg for her to tell me what he’s done to her and she brushes it off because I know she believes she deserves it. She always has a way of convincing herself that she deserved the bruises she used to hide from the world, the pain she’s still trying to numb herself from.