I think we should be taught the early warning signs in school.

I think we should be taught in schools what the early signs are to warn us of an abusive partner. I still think that my ex-husband did not show any earlier signs but since I started this blog with the others some are coming back to me. It is very easy to forget the hurt and pain or lack of respect they had shown us but we put down to too much to drink or we made them angry. I will start from a previous ex-boyfriend before I move onto my husband of twenty years. Dell (yes that is his real name,) he never treated me that badly but we never moved on from casual even though I thought it was more serious at the time. He never took me out anywhere and only once did he ever pick me up in the car. (That might be because my dog attacked him, she had a better judge of personality than me?)We always met at a pub with his friends; if he thought I had enough to drink he would order me to stop. I usually was sensible with drink and would usually have a soft drink every other time but back then I was stubborn and I would order another alcoholic drink. Did I say he never treated me badly? See how we make excuses for them even after we know we were abused or treated badly. We had been dating six months; I would catch a bus/taxi over to meet him if he was driving. We did share the driving every other week. Always on a Sunday, and sometimes a Saturday, he could not even make the effort to give me anytime but like a fool I was always available to him. He would regularly put down his ex-girlfriends in front of me. (A big warning is running down ex-partners.)The one time he turned up while I was out with friends; it was a Sunday but there was this fancy dress night that all my friends wanted to go to, we had planned it for months. I told him we would meet next weekend but he found out where it was and came to get me. He would have needed tickets but somehow he got in. The pub was packed and we were having a great time until he showed up. He made my friends feel uncomfortable and eventually persuaded me to go with him. He took me back to the pub we always went to, his friends were there but apart from that it was dead. He sulked and moaned that he had to go and get me, refusing to get me a drink of Whisky and got me a soft drink. I noticed over the months my drink of choice back then was changed to a Bailey’s when he did get me an alcoholic drink. The one good thing I can say about him that after we broke-up I broke down in my car late at night. Mobile phones were rare but I walked to a friend’s house that was close and called him. He wasted no time in picking me up, telling me off that anything could have happened and I should make sure that I was the one that got home safely. I could never imagine my husband doing that for me even when we were married. I should add Dell only broke up with me so he did not have to buy me a Christmas present. I met my future husband very quickly after Dell and just before Christmas. He seemed to get me like no other person. We were engaged in April the next year and just four months after meeting him. Another warning sign is love bombing you. You become everything to them and you are on a high. You never had this much attention so you lap it up. You forget the drunken episodes that should send you running. Pulling down your top in a crowded pub and blaming his cousin for telling him to do it. He did end up with a very thick lip when he went to kiss me later on as I bit him. I was strong back then but still I ignored the warning signs.

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• ex-husband